Tampilkan postingan dengan label Hot mess. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label Hot mess. Tampilkan semua postingan

Senin, 26 Agustus 2013

VMA 2013: A shady run down of events, in tweets

2013 VMA's | Random J Pop

I had no plans to stay up until the wee hours for the VMA's last night...and yet I did. Before I knew it I was streaming the event live and tweeting like a mo'fucka on everything I was seeing.

Rather than write a piece on how much of a mess I found the VMA's to be (yet again) I've chosen to summarize my thoughts with the tweets I'd posted on the night, as they were my most instinctive thoughts.

Danity Kane's reunion...

TLC on the red carpet...

Lady Gaga's performance...

Lady Gaga going backstage to console One direction after getting booed...

Justin Timberlake's performance...

On how Britney must feel watching Justin...

On the 'NSync reunion...

On where Usher stands following on from JT's performance...

On Beyoncé...

VMA 2013: The performances


So, the VMA's took place in Brooklyn last night and a bevy of today's biggest stars took to the stage of the Barclays center to show the world why they deserve to go home with your faves' moon men and why you should buy their new albums and fuck everybody else's.

Hit the jump to view some of the performances of the night. If you are viewing this post from outside of the US you won't be able to see shit because of geo user restrictions on the content. I usually avoid using MTV's embeds because of this very reason, but there is no point in me scouring YouTube for videos which will get pulled down and become unavailable within seconds.


Lady Gaga's performance started off a little ropey. As is always the case, she did too much. But I guess it wouldn't be a Lady Gaga performance unless she did. But once "Applause" got going she put on a good performance. The choreography wasn't all that tight and it did feel a bit too messy at times with Gaga flailing her way through the routine, barely hitting her marks, just about singing and throwing her wigs around the stage - but the concept and live costume changes were a great touch. Despite so much going on, by Gaga standards this was a pretty simple and low key performance, which was all the better for it.



Justin Timberlake was due to be presented with the Video vanguard award, so he pulled out all of the stops by taking everybody on a trip through memory lane, performing a 12 hour medley which ran through all of hits, including those with 'NSync - for which he brought out his former band members to perform cut down versions of "Girlfriend" and "Bye bye bye". Lance, Joey and Chris did not look ready for this shit. But JC sure as hell did. That guy had been waiting for his phone to pop off for this moment ever since his debut album peaked at number 17 on the charts and Jive dropped him 10 years ago. This whole damn thing was like the Destiny's Child Super Bowl reunion all over again. JC's microphone level was dropped so low that you couldn't hear him for shit and we know that dude can SANG. And once the 'NSync segment was done, JT ushered his boys off the stage so he could get back to plugging his solo shit and keep it moving with songs from The 20 / 20 experience. But not before JC Chasez belted out a final run into the microphone in a fleeting moment of trying to secure some type of record deal.



Many of us snoozed over this performance because it didn't feature a load of pyrotechnics, or Disney graduates trying to 'twerk' and prove their ghetto credibility. This is a shame, because the message behind this song is a positive one and if there's one thing which we don't get enough of in mainstream pop right now it's positive messages which go beyond 'Let's have a good time in the club and go get drunk on some Grey goose'. "Same love" is a song about the legalization of same sex marriages, which Mackelmore wrote in inspiration of his gay uncle who has been with his boyfriend for Donkey's years and not been able to marry him. Part of me thinks that perhaps the VMA's wasn't the place for this, as the message would be dismissed and not be taken seriously. Whilst a part of me thinks that if you're going to perform a song advocating a cause you believe in, then there's no bigger stage to do it on than at an MTV event which is broadcast around the world. Mackelmore suddenly getting all serious and shit after releasing a song and buying buying cheap fur coats in a thrift store may be difficult to take, but I commend him and Ryan Lewis for stepping out and performing this song and also for Jennifer Hudson being a part of it. If only black male artists in Hip-hop could put their street cred aside for a second and be brave enough to rap about this type of shit. But I don't think the game is quite there yet. It's closer than it was before, but it's not quite there.



I have a love / hate relationship with Miley's "We can't stop". The video is a complete mess which I watched once and had to book me an online Baptism with some Nigerian minister in North London to cleanse my mind of it. But the song is okay. Miley trying to be Rihanna aside, it's an alright song with potential. This performance of it however did it no justice. Miley came out on stage looking like Cynthia from the Rugrats and then proceeded to do obscene things with a foam finger - which included (but was not limited to) fingering herself, fingering herself and then fingering herself a bit more. Then Robin Thicke came out looking like a sex referee to perform his hit "Blurred lines", which is when Miley then brought out the foam finger again to touch Robin's penis...multiple times. This dude must be desperate to stay on the hits wagon, because publicity is the only reason I can think of as to why a grown ass married man with a child would have agreed to being a part of this Miley mess. Either that, or...

a) Pharrell asked Robin to do it as a favour
b) Miley harassed Robin into it once she found out that Robin was rolling with 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar. 'Cos we know how Miley be about that hood dick now.

Everything about this performance was classless. It would be so much easier to take Miley seriously if she just stopped trying so hard to be the skanky bad girl. It is possible to be edgy and cool without flashing your pussy and arching your back at every opportunity to do what is most certainly not twerking.



Drake saw it fit to prance around a stage in a bulletproof vest. Homie, the game ain't putting no mark on you like that. It is not 1997. His performance did have a rather pignent moment when he recreated his album cover live. Bringing to life with a blink and a lick of dem lips. You know yo' ass would. Yes, you know what I'm talkin' about.



Not only did Katy Perry jack Sara Bareilles' song, but she also ripped off J.Lo's 2009 AMA performance. I was sat watching this mess hoping Katy would faithfully rip off J.Lo's performance down to when she fell down on her arse, but that would require movement and Katy moves about on stage as much as a Fender amplifier. "Roar" is rubbish. Nothing anybody can say to me will make me like it. Her potential next single 90's Euro stomper "Walking on air" on the other hand, sounds hot. I wish somebody had A&R'd the damn thing for Namie or Crystal Kay though.

And there we have it. Another year of hot mess performances, spectacles and losses of sanity on stage, all courtesy of MTV.

Rabu, 31 Juli 2013

Katy Perry copies Beyoncé. The Beyhive hit DEFCON 1.

Katy Perry will be releasing a new perfume, because her belief that women should aspire to smell like her armpit infused with a hint of bergamot and Russell Brand's dick cheese is so paramount. Peep her commercial teaser for her new brand of air freshener and let me know what you think. Don't bother, I'll tell you what you think for you. BEYONCÉ.


Oh, Kitty Katy. Your pussy done put its paws in the wrong honey jar. Because the Bey hive will come for a bitch how dem bees came for Macaulay Culkin at the end of My girl. She really did mess with the wrong one.

Here's o2yoncé's commercial working the same theme. Just in case you forgot, or are wondering what the fuck Katy is being accused of copying. For the record, Elizabeyoncé's commercial looks like it had a professional ass budget. Katy looks like she was working with high school props.

Whilst Pepsiyoncé did not invent the Elizabethan era as her fans would like to believe, the concept coming so close to Beyoncé's has irked the Bey hive to no end, prompting them to drag Katy across hot coals and a staircase lined with broken jewel cases of Teenage dream and those thousands of copies of 4 which went unsold.

In other news, Katy Perry is gearing up for the release of her follow up to Teenage dream, with her new single "Roar" set to premiere real soon. We know what to expect from this damn album. There will be Dr. Luke. There will be Max Martin. Every single she releases off of the album will be a fucking smash. And no matter how hard you try to resist the allure, you will grow to love at least 3 of the 8 singles this woman will release from this album. Meanwhile Beyoncé's album is so far in Limbo that the only person who has heard anything from it is Farrah Franklin.

Minggu, 28 Juli 2013

Brandy speaks on her duet with Jessie J. I am disappoint.

Jessie J has let it slip a little while back that she had recorded a song with Brandy. Brandy was embarking on her Two eleven world tour (aka Taking Sy'Rai to school) at the time and wasn't able to comment on this herself. But with her tour now wrapped up (Sy'Rai be on Summer break) Brandy has since sat down and given her 2 cents on the collaboration. Shedding light on how the unlikely collabo came about and who else was involved.


Brandy went straight from the musical clutches of a woman beater ("Put it down") to a man who uses under-age girls' faces as urinals (R. Kelly). How about she works with a black man who don't be disrespecting women and breaking laws?!

Can't say I'm excited about this. Jessie J has a good voice. You'd be hard pressed to hear it with all the over singing she does. But it is there. Somewhere. I have no interest in hearing anything Jessie J does. I think her music is shit. The only song of hers I liked was "Domino" and that was only because it sounded exactly like Katy Perry's "(Last Friday night (T.G.I.F)" which I was still in love with at the time Jessie released her knock off. I am pissed that Brandy decided to do a song with Jessie J of all artists. I can only deduce that Brandy went along with this because she is desperate to try and show she is of relevance to UK audiences, seeing as the US has stopped caring about her.

Why couldn't Brandy have hooked up that Kelly Rowland collabo she kept hinting at for years!? I'd love to hear these 2 flops on a song, as their vocals would go nicely together. I've been waiting for Brandy and Kelly to work together again ever since Brandy wrote and produced the vocals for "Love/Hate" from Kelly's debut Simply deep 11 years ago.

On a slightly unrelated note, Brandy's short, bobbed, scruffy wig in this video suits her. Her usually Vulcan hairline actually looks natural.

Reviews: Human | Put it down | Wildest dreams | Two eleven

Kamis, 25 Juli 2013

Lady Gaga derp faces with her pussy out for V magazine


To get people talking about her Artpop album, Lady Gaga has done what she does best. Skanked it up and opened her legs for a fashion magazine. I don't give a fuck about how much weight she's lost or how on point the monsters think her flat stomach is - this picture is vile. Not because Gaga is naked, but because there's nothing redeeming about it. Her hair looks a mess. The pose looks awkward. Her hand is semi cradling her pussy as though she's about to shove a finger in there. AND she's derp facing.

Minggu, 07 Juli 2013

Single review: Kumi Koda - Summer trip

Single review: Kumi Koda - Summer trip | Random J pop

Kumi never passes up a chance to skank it up and give Japan a whiff of the in-between of her legs with a Summer EP. (Japan gets MAD humid for the Summer, so that shit must smell like dead Raccoons). Summer trip is business as usual. Giving birth to a child has done nothing to evolve or change Kumi's style in anyway. So those of you hoping for something a little different here will be disappointed. Those of you who live for Kumi doing the same old, same old trick of one trashy rock song, one hood track and one pop jam will love this shit like a cat all over a freshly cooked kipper.

Kumi starts off her Summer trip with "Lalalalala", which is Kumi's obligatory trashy rock song - in which she wanders around Venice beach looking like a rabid fan who had escaped from the set of Christina Aguilera's "Your body" video shoot with a handful of her 'My little Pony' hair colour clip in's. "Lalalalala" is wholly pedestrian, but it does its job. Whenever Kumi tries too hard with anything it falls. And just like a slow walker on a Zebra crossing, Kumi pedestrianizes all over the hood track "Touchdown". The song is nothing special. Fans are already doing war on YouTube and Tumblr over whose version of the song is better (JoJo had recorded a version of "Touchdown" 2 years ago). But "Touchdown" works well because the song is simple and once again Kumi isn't overtly trying to be too hood or wildly freaky. She's just taking it easy over the beat and working it out. The same can't be said for either of Summer trips' videos, but those are another story.

"Is this trap?" is the best song on the EP, yet the most flawed. It's the one song which had the most potential to be that big killer song which this EP sorely lacks, but the structure never allows this song to truly get off of the ground. It sounds like a really loosely produced version of Rihanna's "Who's that chick?" and a RedOne leftover from Lady Gaga's The fame. The hook is absolute fire, but the sparse, off-kilter vibe of the verses knocks the song off balance. And there's no skirting around the horrendous whiff of Engrish in the song title. It's a shame Kumi didn't didn't shoot a video for this song, because out of the 3 offerings on Summer trip, it's the song which stands out the most and feels as though it could have been a stand alone single.

For each of these songs on Summer trip, Kumi has done a better version of it before. "Touchdown" pales in comparison to Trick's "This is not a love song". "Lalala" pales in comparison to Universe's "Lick me". And "Is this trap" doesn't hold a pussy whiffed wine bottle to Trick's "Driving". Which were all much better songs, done years ago. Whilst none of the individual songs on this release are amazing, collectively they work together nicely. But I just wish Kumi would move away from this tired formula, because she is becoming too predictable and this offering pales greatly in comparison to what many ladies in J-Pop have served up over the past couple of months.

Despite Summer trip being comprised of what Kumi has done countless times before, she sounds much more comfortable on this release and her vocals feel much more in line with the music. Kumi has a habit of trying to out-sing the production which is reigned in completely on these songs. Her sense of melody on hooks is much tighter than its ever been on anything she's released before. She also rides the music differently in a way which makes you feel as though she is gearing towards singing a song in Engrish as Namie has taken to doing. But unless her Engrish has improved since those tragic versions of "Real emotion" and "1000 words", she may want to stay tight with that Nihongo.

Summer trip is a cute collection of songs, but they aren't memorable for shit. Of all the Summer singles to have dropped so far, this is ranking as one of the most boring and least care worthy. 4 times and 3 splash were much better than this and they were by no means all that good.


Highlight:
■ Is this trap? ★ J's fave

Music video: 2NE1 - Falling in love


The bitches that everybody once loved and is now sick to the back teeth of are back with their long awaited comeback "Falling in love". All this song does is cement for me is that 2NE1 as a group are not relevant. YG needs to cut Bom and Dara's cheques and just focus on CL and Minzy, because they are the only 2 members of the group worth a won. What exactly did Dara's Gwen Stefani, Tragic Kingdom looking ass self contribute to this song or video? And why does Bom looks like a female CG render from the Tekken 2 character select screen?

"Falling in love" is a nice song. I like that Teddy Park avoided drowning these girls in EDM or running them over with a Hummer truck with some faux hood nonsense. But let's all be real. Nobody is going to remember this song in a week. 2NE1 can perform this shit day and night on Inkigayo and have Yang Hyun-suk project the video 24 hours a day on the side of the YG HQ building and still, nobody will remember a thing about this song.

Rabu, 12 Juni 2013

Setting the record straight. Miley Cyrus can NOT twerk.

Dear Internet. This slap dash squat and drop Miley Cyrus did on stage...



...is not twerking. This is.



Twerking is not just squating giving 2 booty pops. The Wikipedia definition of wwerking is...

verb. A dance move that involves a person shaking their hips and bottom in a bouncy up and down motion, causing it to shake, 'wobble' and 'jiggle.'

The only thing of Miley's which shook, wobbled and jiggled were her earrings. Miley Cyrus can not twerk any more than Stephen Hawkins can.

Senin, 27 Mei 2013

Miming Mimi's Good morning America #performance

Miming Mimi's Good morning America #performance | vmas2013.blogspot.co.uk

I love it when Miming Mimi hits up a TV show to perform, because you always know this woman is going to give you some form of wreck. Whether it's something small, like shopping trolley wheeled into a lampost. A sizeable wreckage, such as a mini Coop into a cement bollard. Or a straight up train wreck.

When Mariah graced Good Morning America with her presence, not only did she sound a complete mess performing her new single "Hashtag Beautiful", but her dress popped open in the back after croaking of "Always be my baby" and she had a couple of mini diva meltdowns live on the stage which had to force the show into a commercial break. It was amazing.



Mariah sounded decent...up until she performed "Hashtag Beautiful". She was hitting notes flat, forgetting lyrics and miming her whistles. Lambs, you can come for me if you like. It won't change that your girl was miming those whistles. Miming Mimi's acting game is tight though. She was throwing her ass back into that seat and making that face like she was hitting those notes for real. Beyoncé wishes she had that type of acting talent.

Album reviews: E=MC² | Memoirs of an imperfect angel