Beyoncé performs "Grown woman" in Paris. Grabs wigs and throws them to Africa.

Paris concert goers got lucky, as Pepsiyoncé treated them to her debut performance of her new jam "Grown woman", dropping Nigerian dance steps that she probably saw in some YouTube video and miming like she was giving a throwback to Obama's inauguration.

Pepsiyoncé pretty much took the island segment of Rihanna's Loud tour and shitted right in the middle of it. "Grown woman" yoinks by the wig and throws bitches back to Africa. It's so danceable that resistance is futile against it. Africoncé needs to just drop this as a single and stop wasting everybodies time. She could even save herself a music video budget by using the unreleased "Put it in a love song" video, cutting out the scenes with Alicia Keys and running "Grown woman" over the top.

Those who went to see Beyoncé in Serbia, Croatia and Slovakia weren't so in love with this performance though. All of whom went mad and blew up on Twitter that she denied them a performance of the song. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Don't think Pepsiyoncé won't shit on Paris by treating London to a performance of "Standing on the sun". And before London gets comfortable, bring out the plastic cagoules, because Beyoncé will go IN with the new album material during her North American leg from June to August

I need "Grown woman" to leak in full RIGHT NAOW! And I hope that breakdown at the end is part of the album version too, because I'd gets down like my ancestors to that shit. Timbaland is that n***a right now.

Every man gon' be a grown woman the whole time he's listening to this song.

Beyoncé pops her pussy on a beach for H&M. Previews another new song, "Standing on the sun".

Still no word on a single or an album release date, but we get another promotional video tied in with an endorsement which includes a new song from Hennes & Mauritzyoncé titled "Standing on the sun", which is rumoured to be written by the woman of the moment, Sia Furler. If you don't know who this woman is by now, then you must have been in a coma for the past 2 years. I won't bring you up to speed. Google the woman and then feel like shit that you had been listening to her shit and singing it in the club like a drunken mess, unbeknownst that she was the woman behind at least 2 of the songs which you subconsciously know all of the words to and wouldn't be able to evict from your memory if you tried.

Beyoncé has trades in her dance rehearsal at Pepsi studios for a tropical pussy pop on a beach wearing H&M bikini's in a video directed by Jonas Åkerlund.

 And just like that Rihanna's streetwalker collection for River Island got royally shat on.

Both song and video are pretty much "Baby boy" 2013. But Hennes &Mauritzyoncé looks hot. As with "Grown woman", whilst the sound of the song is nothing new, it sounds nice. I'm really not getting that sense of a new sound that everybody was talking up concerning Beyoncé's new album though. "Bow down" and "I been on" were hood messes, but at least they were different fodder for Beyoncé. Harder than anything she'd done before and the most lyrically insightful we've gotten from her to date. However, if they feature on this new album of hers alongside "Grown woman" and "Standing on the sun", then this will be yet another inconsistent mess from Beyoncé.

Beyonce is getting money thrown at her by Pepsi on weekdays and has H&M cutting cheques on weekends. And then there's that tour revenue. Be¥onc€ is getting PAID.

Pepsiyoncé kicks off The Mrs. Carter show world tour, with no acknowledgement of a new album.

Pepsiyoncé of Pepsi world (formerly the kingdom of lost wigs and song writing credits) kicked off her world last week. A hot topic nights prior was 'Will the set list feature any new material?' given that we still have no single in full and not so much as an album release date. The answer was no. Beyoncé is currently treating the Mrs. Carter show as her tour in support of 4. Home girl couldn't even treat the crowd to a performance of "Bow down" or bust a 2-step to "I been on" given that the song had been playing on European television in instrumental form to promote the tour. She ain't right.

To embark on a world tour with an album imminent and not include new songs seems strange. What everybody is speculating will happen is that new material will be added to the setlist once her new single drops and the album releases, which will be great for those who have tickets to see Pepsiyoncé in say, August - but is shit for those seeing her in April and May as her new album will most certainly not be out by then.

Word is already abound that Pepsiyoncé has scrapped "Grown woman" as her new lead single (Note: Early reports cited it was never intended for the song to be a single, although Jake Nava the director of the "Mirrors" commercial said otherwise). And One Republic frontman and writer of Beyoncé's hit single "Halo" Ryan Tedder let the pussy out of the bag and run wild that Pepsiyoncé hasn't even finished recording her fifth studio album. Lawd.

This could either be part of some unplanned ploy which goes wonderfully well for Beyoncé's new album, or it could damage it. Madonna rushed out a new single in time for her Super bowl performance, dropped her new album and then went straight on tour to support it, giving away copies of the supporting album to those who bought tickets to her tour. Beyonce on the other hand dropped no new material leading up to her Super bowl performance, didn't unveil anything new at the performance, has spilled nothing on her new album title or its release date and so far we've only heard previews of 3 songs, 2 of which we don't even know will make the cut. Biggest mistake? Or part of a master plan?

There was no promise of new material and fans still risked their college tuitions and house mortgage payments to get those world tour tickets. The staggered momentum of new Beyoncé related news will keep fans on their toes and prevent being given everything in one go. So it may be for the best. It's just a shame for those attending her earlier gigs that they won't get to see her perform new material live, which they know is imminent.

Serbia was mad about the lack of new material though. Hence why some fans went for that wig and slapped her as she walked through the pit to the stage during the opening leg of her world tour.

♪ I been own. I been own! I BEEN OWN!! Tell me who gon' take me owf. Take me owf! TAKE ME OWF!! TAKE ME OWF!!! ♪

Crystal Kay becomes the new face of Crysta Nagahori. Nobody cares.

Crystal Kay has struck some sort of deal with Crysta. It probably is as simple as the company's name being the same as CK's minus the L, as it seems to be such a random partnership for an artist who nobody in Japan could care less about. The fruits of the deal thus far is that Crysta took Crystal around their shopping centre Crysta Nagahori; where she managed to walk in and out of stores undisturbed and free of mobs of fans, because nobody knew who the hell she was - even with her face lining every wall in the vicinity.

I had wandered through Crysta Nagahori when I was in Japan, but had no idea it had its own name and was a dedicated shopping centre (what we Londoners call 'malls'). I thought it was just Shinsaibashi subway station. Ya know; because the sign above the stairs I went down to get there said so. The entire area is plastered with pictures of Crystal Kay. The bitch is EVERYWHERE! At the entrance to the station and all the way through the damn place. It took me a while to notice it was her though, as the photo of her Crysta are using looks as though it was shot and re-touched by the Color change! art directors. #Whitening.

Nagahoribashi (one of the connecting areas to Crysta Nagahori) is full of 'foreigners'. And it's also a popular tourist spot because lots of the bars and clubs in the area are run by and frequented by 'gaijin'. So this partnership between Crysta and Crystal Kay is probably for foreigners more than the locals. Because ain't nobody in Japan know who Crystal is, let alone care about seeing her picture backlit everywhere. Good on CK for the hook-up though. At least she's getting paid and is getting some exposure. Even if it is in an underground shopping centre which is always absolutely dead.

Album reviews: Color change! | All yours | Flash | Spin the music | Vivid

Listen to... Daft Punk featuring Pharrell William - Get lucky

Daft Punk's lead single from their long awaited fourth studio album Random access memories has dropped in full. 100% official. Legit full version of the song. None of this fan made, spliced together shit which was running rampant on YouTube and even fooled radio into spinning it. (N***a's be desperate).

If you've heard the clip of the song which had been circulating heavily over the past 2 weeks, then you'd have already decided at that point whether you liked the song or not. The full song is pretty much the well worn preview, just...longer and with a few note drops and changes here and there. So if you weren't feeling the preview, you may want to pass on this one. But if you were ultimately sprung off of the legendary Nile Rodgers funky guitar playing, Pharrell's oh-so-familiar falsetto and that unmistakable Daft Punk stank, then soak this track up in all its full glory. This shit makes me wanna holla at Link to play an Ocarina, take me back to Studio 54 and electric slide on bitches under a disco ball.

This is only the radio edit of the song. So one can only hope the album version features an extra minute of funk, just to let people know that Daft Punk ain't playing no games with the 70's disco throwback.

Daft Punk just out funked your faves' album in 4 minutes and 11 seconds.

Album review: Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 experience

Nobody loves a muse quite like Justin Timberlake. Most draw inspiration from muses. But Justin straight up sleeps with the music of his muses and crawls inside a bitch. Justified saw Justin playing the white born Michael Jackson. FutureSex/LoveSounds saw Justin stroking Prince's weave through a lavender curtain. And his third effort The 20 / 20 experience should be throwing a royalty check and platinum braid beads to Stevie Wonder. His aural influence on this album isn't as obvious as the aforementioned. But it's there. The shade slight irony that Justin went and named the album around vision when a n***a is blind. What Justin manages to do here though is throw a few of extra flavours into Stevie's pitcher of cool-aid by pulling from era's which jump between the 60's, 80's and late 90's. So essentially what we get here is an album which is pretty much what you would expect from Justin following on from Justified and FutureSex/LoveSounds. But again, this isn't immediately obvious. It just...is.

The 20 / 20 experience draws more on the soulful and organic sounds of Justified than the electro driven FutureSex/LoveSounds and is much more consistent for it. The conscious effort for Justin's album to be seen as avant garde is still there, it's just more organic in its approach. Although it comes at the risk of not featuring a song which is as instantly memorable and pop referential as "SexyBack", "My love" or "Summer love". And also comes at the risk of being his least memorable album as a whole.

Whilst The 20/20 experience is produced to near perfection and doesn't feature a single flat out terrible song, very few songs stick long after you've listened to them. There is no one song on this album which will reside within your subconscious and refuse to leave in the same way "Like I love you", "Cry me a river", "Rock your body" or "SexyBack" have done. In terms of musical integrity, the album is as solid as Justin's work has ever been. But in a sound-scape so focused on byte sized, easily tangible songs, The 20/20 experience's 8 minute track lengths, soft punching hooks may go over a lot of heads. This isn't to say the album isn't good. Aurually it's a treat which jumps around definable era's within music.

"Pusher love girl", "Suit & tie" and "That girl" are throwbacks to 60's Motown. "Suit & tie" ranks as one of the albums' worst offerings. But "Pusher love girl" is wonderfully soulful and serves up one of Timbaland's most stanky and richly produced soul cuts since Brandy's "Where is she 2 U". "That girl" feels like a watered down version of "Pusher love girl" to the point that I don't see the point in it. It's not a shit song - it just feels redundant when "Pusher love girl" is everything this song is in a bigger and better form.

The era of funk is visited for "Let the groove get in" - which sees Justin reach for Gloria Estefan's wig for the first 5 minutes of the song and then dance on Michael Jackson's for the last 2. It's nice to hear a song which embeds the hot blooded Latin / Havana pop style faithfully without putting an electro, bastardized spin on it; even if the song in the long run is wholly forgettable.

The seductiveness of the 80's comes through with "Strawberry bubblegum". If I were to describe this song in 2 words they'd be 'fucking magic'. Sharp drums, ethereal synths, smooth vocals and cluster of channel hopping Hey's make this song the smoothest on the album and rank it as near perfection. Even the awful lyrics aren't enough to detract from the magic of this song. And just when my inner 80's child is getting it in with the shuffle and the running man, the song switches into 3 minutes of what sounds like a lost interlude from Songs in the key of life. The power balladry of the 80's comes in the form of "Mirrors", which wreaks of "Cry me a river" and "What goes around (Comes around)" - but without the soul torn lyrics . It's overly sappy lyrically, but the production is nice. It should have closed the album and would have done so perfectly if it weren't for the Coldplay / Sigur Rós rip off "Blue ocean floor". Ethereally beautiful, but out of place and too consciously trying to prove a point.

Sounds of the 00's come through with "Don't hall the wall", bringing back the Arabian chants and Indian percussion which Timbaland was trotting out with regularity at the turn of the century on the cusp of the Desi boom. "Don't hold the wall" is Justin's 2013 equivalent of Justified's "Oh no (What you got)" in a much more slower and seductive form. The song speeds up towards the end ditching the Middle eastern vibes for a much more harder edged bounce which is a complete Ctrl + C job of Timbaland's mobile underground remix of Madonna's "4 minutes". "Tunnel vision" is throwback Timbo, as he hearkens back to his signature sound which made Ginuwine, Aaliyah, Missy Elliott and Timbaland himself an oft mentioned name within Hip-hop and R&B. Timbo was veering so far from his classic sound that a n***a couldn't see it in the rear view and baby girl was turning in her grave. So it's nice to know Timbaland remembers it, that he can still pull it off, whilst also showcasing that his classic sound is timeless and undefinable.

Timbaland's output between 2006 and 2012 has been an utter mess. Turning in productions which were far from exhibiting the genius we'd witnessed from the late 90's up until the release of FutureSex/LoveSounds. Whilst The 20 / 20 experience will restore faith in those who felt Timbaland had lost it, his work here is very safe, calculated and wholly self referential. You can hear a conscious effort was made to be overly careful and every Timbo trick and cliché is thrown into this album. It makes for solid and consistent set, but it's not fresh and it's far from new.

The 20 / 20 experience is a nice listen. But once you begin to strip away the sonics of Timbo and co., you realize that the lyrics to some of the songs aren't that great. In fact, they are flat out awful. The hooks and refrains are catchy enough. But the verses languish and feel as though Justin is just buying time with elementary rhymes until the chorus. The song topics begin to wane after so long because this entire album is essentially 9 tracks about falling in love and 2 about dancing. It's nice that Justin is so in love and is no longer singing out the emotional scars of his relationship with Britney, but at age 32 and having enjoyed the life of a successful boy band member, a pretty successful actor and now a married man, Justin should be saying a heck of a lot more than 'I love you. You are amazing. C'mon girl, let's dance'. The musical soundscape of each of these endeavours is varied save for the coupling of "Pusher love girl" and "That girl". But lyrically Justin is singing about the same thing with different metaphors. He likens love to a drug. He likens his better half to looking in a mirror. He likens sex to flying in a spaceship. He refers to pussy as bubble gum and his dick as a lollipop. He likens finding his perfect girl to shooting on a film set. The list sounds much more creative and varied when jotted down than it is when you are listening to the songs. This also isn't helped by the song lengths. FutureSex/LoveSounds saw Justin occasionally clock songs in at 7 to 8 minutes, but here he does the same on near enough every track. Where his predecessors 8 minute tracks were essentially 2 different songs musically, here every track is an extended mix with some outstaying their welcomes. On some songs you relish in the extended length and get sucked into the vibe. Where-as on others you become glaringly aware that the song should have ended 2 minutes ago and that n***a's were on that copy and paste. But its a pretty cool compromise for the (regular edition of the) album only featuring 10 songs.

The 20 / 20 experience on one hand feels as though it's trying to hard, whilst on the other hand feels as though it's not trying hard enough. The production is pin-pointed to perfection and Justin had a clear focus with this album. But that sense of spontaneity and freshness you got with Justified and FutureSex/LoveSounds just isn't here.

Still... Justin goes a long ways to prove that nothing he's done up to this point is a fluke and with a 15+ year career and 3 successful solo albums under his belt, he's already exceeded the career sell by date we'd stamped on him when he was rolling underneath shutters and running from dogs in "Bye bye bye". 

*Throws a copy of The 20/20 experience at Usher* N***a, you should be ashamed of yo'self.



Album highlights:
■ Pusher love girl
■ Don't hold the wall
■ Strawberry bubblegum ★ J's fave
■ Tunnel vision
■ Mirrors

Ayaka throws down the Engrish gauntlet at Namie. Wins by default of actually being able to sing.

Ayaka is weak and a bit frail because of her Graves' disease, but do not get it twisted. She stays on her grind and will snatch a weave piece from her hospital bed. Namie can have a number 1 album by sitting at home and doing nothing, and guess what...so can Ayaka. Home girl went number 1 with an album whilst she was sat at home at her kotatsu easting udon and watching SMAP Bistro and she didn't have the power of Avex to help her neither. Bitches had better put on their best nails and bring out the fighting weave.

Ayaka recently did a mini set of acoustic studio performances. One of which was an English version of "Hajimari no toki" from her third studio album The beginning and another which was a cover of Faith Hill's "There you'll be", which featured backing vocals from a fat black woman. You know a chick is serious when the fat black backing singer comes out.

Hajimari no toki (English version)

There you'll be

Namie had better wrap her shit in a bun and put on a shower cap, because Ayaka is on that Engrish swag too and she can hit notes. I'd love for her to perform an acoustic cover of "Only you" and "Beautiful". Just to keep Namie on her toes and remind her what REAL vocals sound like.

I love Ayaka's live vocals. To the point where every time I listen to her studio albums, I feel a need to hear a live rendition. The tone, range and power this woman has just doesn't come through on her studio recordings the way in which they do when she performs live. So I hope she makes these intimate acoustic sessions a regular thing or that she releases an acoustic album.

Album reviews: First message | Sing to the sky

Daft Punk "Get lucky" with their upcoming album Random access memories

Daft Punk will be releasing their long awaited follow up to 2005's Human after all in May and they have the Internet ablaze in excitement and anticipation for their 13 track master class in Euro dance, funk and pinpoint production which your fave could never. Random access memories will be released worldwide; with the album touching down in Australia first on May 17th, the UK on May 20th and finally the US on May 21st. This marks Daft Punk's first release via Columbia records, after signing with label at the start of the year.

Daft Punk have released a teaser of the lead / promotional single "Get lucky" which features Pharrell Williams and the music legend that is Nile Rodgers. The song is FUNK OVERLOAD and if it featured even a smidgen more of the stuff, it would have to come with a disclaimer.

I want me one of those jackets. I hit up ebay to find one, but could only find a women's jacket, which I think I can get away with if I go for the bigger size, roll up the sleeves and don't do it up.

Daft Punk's last studio album Human after all was mauled by critics, citing it as rushed and paling in comparison to their previous works. But all signs thus far are pointing towards this album being a return to form. I'm excited as fuck for this album.

Check out randomaccessmemories.com for the latest on their upcoming release and to watch video interviews with the featured collaborators who contributed to the album; each of whom talk in depth about their musical history, how they became part of the project and what it was like to work with the enigmatic French duo.

Perfume to release a new single "Magic of love" on May 22nd.

Nakata's hoes aka My bitches aka Yo' bitches will be releasing their second single of 2013 on May 22, "Magic of love". Unlike the childlike hell that was "Mirai no museum" and "Spending all my time" which divided fans clearly down the middle despite being perfection - "Magic of love" is a much safer, more expectant Perfumey offering which picks up directly where "Spring of life" took off.

Catch the commercial below, which features the girls swagging in fly JPN looking dresses and busting out a routine which features some leg.

"Magic of love" will also feature a B-side which is currently untitled, with no info as to whether it will be product affiliated as "Magic of love" is. I hope it's some crack. "Magic of love" sounds nice, but I need more. "Spending all my time" has been the only single post JPN which ticked all of my boxes and had me fall in love. I've even thrown "Hurly burly" to the side in favour of it. I know I'm probably alone in this, but I don't give two shits. That song is the bomb diggy and I plays it ORL ZI TIME! *puts on white socks and a black pump*

Ayu brings out the good weave for her first Bistro SMAP appearance in 11 years

Ayu appeared on the popular celebrity guest TV show Bistro SMAP for the first time in 11 years. It's a rite of passage in J-Pop that once you've been in the game for 10 years, you can pretty much avoid television. Although given Ayu's recent sales, she may want to have her management team book the shit out of NTV and TBC's time slots. It's probably the reason why she agreed to the Bistro SMAP appearance in the first place. Ain't nothing help boost some sales and awareness like an appearance on a Johnny's variety show. The actual truth is that Ayu can't afford to eat as a result of her slumping albums sales, so she had her people put her on a show which offered free food. A girl gotsta eat.

I can't stand SMAP. You quickly get sick of their faces when you are in Japan, because the guys are on more posters and billboards than AKB48. But I do like this show, as it's always light hearted, and nothing gets people to open up like a chin-wag over a good plate of food.

Ayu brought out the good weave, the mouth splitting veneers and had her cosmetic doctor homie shoot some fresh botox into her face for this appearance, so homegirl definitely means business. Ayu's singing goes through me like a crossbow, but she is nice and humble in interviews; especially when she's in the company of those she's been around before. Ayu and SMAP are pretty much best flends.

Meanwhile Namie has no intention of appearing on TV at all. She can do wha' she want, she do what she like. Keep sillin' at home till Ayumi cly.

Album reviews: Next level | Rock 'n' roll circus | Love songs | Five | Party queen | Love again

Ummm...Internet? Dis ain't the "Grown woman" video...

The Amazonion empress from Pepsi world (formerly the kingdom of lost wigs and lost songwriting credits) is kicking the "Grown woman" promo train into a new gear. With her "Mirrors" commercial now airing on TV worldwide (I've seen that shit on TV plenty of times, albeit in a horrendously edited down form which kills the entire concept) now comes a 'behind the scenes video' which features another 15 second segment of the song.

Everywhere is citing this as behind the scenes footage of the music video, but it looks like behind the scenes footage of Pepsiyoncé's Pepsi photoshoots. And the rehearsal footage would have served for the benefit of the Pepsi "Mirrors" commercial as well as the music video. So I wonder how valid the claims are. If Beyoncé does end up popping her pussy around a shopping cart full of Pepsi 6 packs and a Pepsi bracelet, then that shit is of a level of tackiness I didn't even Pepsiyoncé would stoop to. Queen P had better take n***a's back to Africa and get LOW with the "Grown woman" music video.