VMA 2013: The performances

So, the VMA's took place in Brooklyn last night and a bevy of today's biggest stars took to the stage of the Barclays center to show the world why they deserve to go home with your faves' moon men and why you should buy their new albums and fuck everybody else's.

Hit the jump to view some of the performances of the night. If you are viewing this post from outside of the US you won't be able to see shit because of geo user restrictions on the content. I usually avoid using MTV's embeds because of this very reason, but there is no point in me scouring YouTube for videos which will get pulled down and become unavailable within seconds.

Lady Gaga's performance started off a little ropey. As is always the case, she did too much. But I guess it wouldn't be a Lady Gaga performance unless she did. But once "Applause" got going she put on a good performance. The choreography wasn't all that tight and it did feel a bit too messy at times with Gaga flailing her way through the routine, barely hitting her marks, just about singing and throwing her wigs around the stage - but the concept and live costume changes were a great touch. Despite so much going on, by Gaga standards this was a pretty simple and low key performance, which was all the better for it.

Justin Timberlake was due to be presented with the Video vanguard award, so he pulled out all of the stops by taking everybody on a trip through memory lane, performing a 12 hour medley which ran through all of hits, including those with 'NSync - for which he brought out his former band members to perform cut down versions of "Girlfriend" and "Bye bye bye". Lance, Joey and Chris did not look ready for this shit. But JC sure as hell did. That guy had been waiting for his phone to pop off for this moment ever since his debut album peaked at number 17 on the charts and Jive dropped him 10 years ago. This whole damn thing was like the Destiny's Child Super Bowl reunion all over again. JC's microphone level was dropped so low that you couldn't hear him for shit and we know that dude can SANG. And once the 'NSync segment was done, JT ushered his boys off the stage so he could get back to plugging his solo shit and keep it moving with songs from The 20 / 20 experience. But not before JC Chasez belted out a final run into the microphone in a fleeting moment of trying to secure some type of record deal.

Many of us snoozed over this performance because it didn't feature a load of pyrotechnics, or Disney graduates trying to 'twerk' and prove their ghetto credibility. This is a shame, because the message behind this song is a positive one and if there's one thing which we don't get enough of in mainstream pop right now it's positive messages which go beyond 'Let's have a good time in the club and go get drunk on some Grey goose'. "Same love" is a song about the legalization of same sex marriages, which Mackelmore wrote in inspiration of his gay uncle who has been with his boyfriend for Donkey's years and not been able to marry him. Part of me thinks that perhaps the VMA's wasn't the place for this, as the message would be dismissed and not be taken seriously. Whilst a part of me thinks that if you're going to perform a song advocating a cause you believe in, then there's no bigger stage to do it on than at an MTV event which is broadcast around the world. Mackelmore suddenly getting all serious and shit after releasing a song and buying buying cheap fur coats in a thrift store may be difficult to take, but I commend him and Ryan Lewis for stepping out and performing this song and also for Jennifer Hudson being a part of it. If only black male artists in Hip-hop could put their street cred aside for a second and be brave enough to rap about this type of shit. But I don't think the game is quite there yet. It's closer than it was before, but it's not quite there.

I have a love / hate relationship with Miley's "We can't stop". The video is a complete mess which I watched once and had to book me an online Baptism with some Nigerian minister in North London to cleanse my mind of it. But the song is okay. Miley trying to be Rihanna aside, it's an alright song with potential. This performance of it however did it no justice. Miley came out on stage looking like Cynthia from the Rugrats and then proceeded to do obscene things with a foam finger - which included (but was not limited to) fingering herself, fingering herself and then fingering herself a bit more. Then Robin Thicke came out looking like a sex referee to perform his hit "Blurred lines", which is when Miley then brought out the foam finger again to touch Robin's penis...multiple times. This dude must be desperate to stay on the hits wagon, because publicity is the only reason I can think of as to why a grown ass married man with a child would have agreed to being a part of this Miley mess. Either that, or...

a) Pharrell asked Robin to do it as a favour
b) Miley harassed Robin into it once she found out that Robin was rolling with 2 Chainz and Kendrick Lamar. 'Cos we know how Miley be about that hood dick now.

Everything about this performance was classless. It would be so much easier to take Miley seriously if she just stopped trying so hard to be the skanky bad girl. It is possible to be edgy and cool without flashing your pussy and arching your back at every opportunity to do what is most certainly not twerking.

Drake saw it fit to prance around a stage in a bulletproof vest. Homie, the game ain't putting no mark on you like that. It is not 1997. His performance did have a rather pignent moment when he recreated his album cover live. Bringing to life with a blink and a lick of dem lips. You know yo' ass would. Yes, you know what I'm talkin' about.

Not only did Katy Perry jack Sara Bareilles' song, but she also ripped off J.Lo's 2009 AMA performance. I was sat watching this mess hoping Katy would faithfully rip off J.Lo's performance down to when she fell down on her arse, but that would require movement and Katy moves about on stage as much as a Fender amplifier. "Roar" is rubbish. Nothing anybody can say to me will make me like it. Her potential next single 90's Euro stomper "Walking on air" on the other hand, sounds hot. I wish somebody had A&R'd the damn thing for Namie or Crystal Kay though.

And there we have it. Another year of hot mess performances, spectacles and losses of sanity on stage, all courtesy of MTV.

Perfume perform underneath a wind turbine. Send wigs blowing all the way to some miscellaneous prefecture.

Perfume rocked down a storm in some Japanese field and had legions of fans banging heads like muthafuckas.

The girls opened their set with "Magic of love", which is as good as dead now and a complete flop. But I admire the girls trying to make that shit work. In their defence the song always comes off better when they perform it live because they don't fuck around with the routine. But I would take "Handy man" over it any day. I would love to see what routine the girls would drop to that.

Hit the video after the jump to watch the girls perform "Magic of flop", their crubtastic pussy pleasing anthem "Fake it" and their Jungle fever jam "Chocolate disco".

No fancy stage, no projection trickery. These bitches barely but had lights on the stage. Yet they still did the damn thing and didn't miss a beat. I was silently pissed that Kashiyuka didn't throw the pussy out with a kick during "Magic of love" how she does in the video. I stay hopeful that eventually we will get a Perfume routine where they whip hair. Kashiyuka is missing opportunities with all that damn hair. But the fans in the crowd gave it to me...

So I'll accept their offering until Perfume choreographer Mikiko seeks inspiration from a Beyoncé routine and has A-chan, Nocchi and Kashiyuka whip so hard that they file a whiplash claim against her.

Shout outs to the random white dude sandwiched between the 2 chronic head-bangers.

Perfume perform in maid outfits for Disney and showcase actual singing ability.

The Robohoes aka Top bitches aka The queens of JPN aka Perfume hit up Disneyland in Tokyo to perform a medley of songs from popular Disney animations. The ghost of n***a Walt may have enforced a no auto tune clause on the girls, but there was no messing with the style. Each outfit Disney gave the girls had to be tailored to Perfume's specifications, which meant Nocchi got the shorts, A-chan got the girly skirt with the flair and Kashiyuka got a fitted, sluttier shorter version of whatever A-chan was wearing. Jump below to listen to Perfume's actual singing voices and to see Perfume dance in maid outfits. You otaku who are titillated by maid outfits had better bring out the pampers, a baby wipe and some Kleenex.

DID THESE GIRLS JUST GIVE ME TONE, PITCH, NOTE CHANGES AND 3 POINT HARMONIES!? I am all for Nakata making these girls' voices sound cold and auto-tuned if the beats are on point and it makes the song better. But I am going to need him to break the pitch correction shackles and bring in a vocal producer for a song or to on Level 3. If Nocchi can sound this good, why on earth was she sounding like she had strep throat on "Magic of love"?

This shit made me wish I had hit up Disney world in Japan for a hot minute.

Perfume music reviews: Game | JPN | Spring of life | Spending all my time
Gig review: Perfume World tour 2nd, London

The original sugababes (aka Mutya Keisha Siobhan) perform their first live set together. Throw Heidi, Amelle and Jade's careers into the Thames.

The Sugababes (aka Mutya Keisha Siobhan) performed their very first official gig at Scala in London this week. Treating the crowd to a slew of new material, along with some of the classics. Not only did the girls perform singles from their debut album One touch (the first and last Sugababes album recorded with Siobhan as part of the group) but they also dipped into Angels with dirty faces. So if you ever wondered how "Freak like me" and "Stronger" would have sounded with original Sugababes line-up, wonder no more.

Boys


Freak like me from Angels with dirty faces


Run for cover from One touch


I'm alright


No regrets


Today


Stronger from Angels with dirty faces


Flatline / Push the button from Taller in more ways

After that "Stronger" performance, Heidi must have wanted to jump off of a bridge. Siobhan had said in interviews that "Stronger" is one of her favourite Sugababes songs and that she was not precious of that despite it being a song recorded after she had departed the group. So for her to be able to sing it with Keisha and Mutya for the first time live must have meant a lot to her. When she began to sing her verse, you could barely hear her because the crowd were going so mad. And the way she finished off that note and the end? Bye Heidi.

None of new songs really blew me away. It was great to finally hear "Boys" after being teased with a 15 second snippet and then an impromptu acapella of it from the girls during an interview. The song which stuck out for me however was "Today". It was the one song which screamed 'Classic Sugababes'. I need "Today" in my life. The rest of the songs I'll reserve judgement on until I hear the studio recorded album versions as they could end up sounding completely different. Then there's always the possibility some of these songs may not make the new album at all.

There isn't much more proof we need to know that Sugababes' fans are stoked for the re-formation of Mutya, Keisha and Siobhan. Jade, Amelle and Heidi can consider their singing careers well and truly killed. They're over. Jade had better use her flexibility to turn tricks on poles for cash and Amelle may wanna get back with her thug boyfriend to shot call so she can maintain some form of expensive lifestyle. Heidi needs to reach out to her ex Dave Berry. Those Sugababes royalty cheques will soon be drying up.

It was great seeing the girls perform together again and to hear their voices together. Some of the harmonies during this set sounded amazing and each of them held their own vocally. You could see the girls were excited to be back on stage together again and that they are truly ready to make every UK girl group look completely irrelevant from here on out. 

Ailee calmly sings hoes under a Seoul tram in her comeback performance of "U&I"

The best vocalist in K-Pop made her comeback on M! Countdown with her new song "U&I" - sounding like a Rich Harrison joint with a catchy horn sectioned riff and sassy neck snapping lyrics that disco diva bitches would snatch for.

Ailee struts onto the stage calmy with poise and sophistication and shows lesser broads in 3 minutes how you give strong vocals without screaming all over a beat and dance a routine without so much as a pussy pop. Beyoncé best sit her ass down and watch this shit. I've seen those Miss Carter World show performances of "Crazy in love". A n***a couldn't even hear the music through all of the screaming. And I was exposed to more pussy than the midwife caught at the birth of Blue Ivy.

The thing with Ailee is that when all else fails, the vocals never do. The song could be a hot mess and her outfit could look like something Tina Knowles stitched together with a fractured wrist, but the vocals stay on point.

Now if Ailee could whip on some Kenzo and do me a cover of Beyoncé's "Grown woman", that'd be great.

Perfume gives London its life during their World tour 2nd stop at Sheperd's Bush

Perfume embarked on a world tour which made a stop at my home town of London and I was fortunate enough to attend. I'mma just get this out of the way here and now. The gig was fucking amazing. I've been slow to appreciate what these girls do, but that all came to a head during this concert. Perfume put on a show. Wonderfully intricate and simple. Big, but intimate.

The range of people at the venue was as varied as fuck. There was no particular type at this concert. There were youngsters there from the age of 12, to crusty old men in their 50's. There were white girls with blonde pig tails, middle aged Japanese women, tall black guys (What it do, yo!!). Perfume's demographic is wider than the chasm between current Ayu and her former self who was able to sell a record. The wonderful thing about this is that it validated how diverse Perfume's fanbase really is. And seeing all of these people gave a nice sense of affirmation (not that I needed it, as I don't give a shit) that it's okay to like Perfume. No matter who you are. Once you are inside the venue, the lights go down and the music starts pumping, every body is one and the same.

When I got into the venue and saw the stage, I was throwing shade all over Twitter and Instagram about how cheap, basic and run down the stage looked. But then it happened. The lights went down and even in the pitchest of blacks you could all make out A-chan, Kashiyuka and Nocci taking their positions on the stage. They stood. Motionless. Silent for an entire minute and then it began. These bitches gave the flyiest looking gig intro I've seen in my life. You all remember that spectacular spectacle from their showcase in Cannes which surfaced on YouTube a month ago, right? They did that whole damn thing and gave Sheperd's Bush its entire life.

The intro was nothing short of spectacular. Lighting and projection are always the focuses of Perfume's performances. But even in lieu of what they've pulled off at the Tokyo dome, what they put on in this small little shit hole of a venue in West London was breathtaking. I watch videos back of it now and I'm in awe of how brilliant it all looks technically and wonder how the fuck it was all done. It's like watching some form of illusion. And just when Perfume have have grabbed you by the hair with their epic filled intro, they mass scalp the crowd with a remix of "Spending all my time". Perfume forums are already calling for this remix to appear on their Level 3 album and I'd have to co-sign. When I heard it on YouTube I wasn't too on board with it. But upon hearing it live, I'm now in love. House loving gays and those trashy clubs drunk white people go to for Summer holidays in Europe will be all about this remix. Then just when you think the girls might stop for breath to address the crowd, they go straight into the album mix of "Laser beam", complete with green laser beams which I'm almost certain blinded the home girl on crutches at the far back - stage right. Perfume dropped new choreography to this mix of the song which saw the girls step and flick their fake telephones like Kashiyuka's hair depended on it. The girls opened with a killer string of songs and did not let up until the encore.

For the encore the crowd has three choices: "Nee", "Glitter" and "Love the world" - with Perfume performing the song to which the crowd cheered the loudest for. It was a tough call between "Glitter" and "Love the world" and I was pretty sure "Love the world" had won out. But much to my delight the girls performed "Glitter" - the most fitting of songs for them to close a set with. London. I love you for loving this song as much as I do. And once again, it was a nice sense of affirmation for me that I wasn't the only "Glitter" loving Perfume fan in the village. The performance was fucking magical. The front row was getting crunk, people in the back swaying in unison, everybody was mesmerized. The only thing missing was the shower of sparks during the final run of the chorus to match the video. But Perfume's tech team ain't trying to burn down the Sheperd's bush empire. Although that place could do with an insurance claim to make way for some much needed renovation.

Perfume's set list was generous on hits and also showed love to their B-sides. "Polyrhtyhm" B-side "Seventh heaven" turned the entire venue in a crub. I hadn't heard this song before and Shazam'ing and tweeting like a mo'fucka for somebody to identify the song. Turns out Perfume-city forums dwellers were Twitter watching during the event and managed to identify it for me. Why Tokuma communications left this song off of Game, I do not know. The song is a BANGER. As on point as their performance of "Magic of love" was, they threw that under a Central line train with "Daijo banai". The dance routine to this song gives you everything you didn't get from the videos to "Spring of life", "Spending all my time" and "Magic of love". The damn song should have been an A-side. "Handy man" was played during the intermission, but alas...there was no performance of it. A real shame, as I think a performance of it would have been a nice surprise and gone down a treat, as by this point the girls already had everybody in the palm of their hands. The venue was packed with fans who knew all of Perfume's material, so "Handy man" would not have been a stranger to anybody. The girls also performed "My colour", which was a welcomed entry to the setlist, as it was my favourite album track off of JPN. It was the only moment during the entire gig where the girls didn't dance their arses off. But of course Kashiyuka still arched that back, A-chan still got on dem knees and Nocchi worked dem legs how she always does.

Let's get one thing straight. A-chan and Nocchi know a fair amount of English. A-chan was off stage for much of Perfume's first segment of banter with the audience. She'll tell you it was due to a wardrobe malfunction. I'll tell you it was so that Nocchi had to put herself on the front line with the Engrish to make it easier for A-chan later on. But Nocchi rose to the occasion. The bitch knows a nice amount of English. And she sounded so cute speaking in it, that I was ready to drag her to a late night Nigerian registry office and make her my wife. A-chan is every bit as crazy and energetic as she is in interviews. She was absolutely obsessed with fish and chips (an iconic and historic Britishish meal) and used any opportunity to just say the word, commandeering the crowd to chant it with her. She also surprisingly broke into Queen's "We will rock you" - tearing through that first verse live and in English. The crowd went ballistic as it was so unexpected and unlike what you'd expect Perfume to do. A-chan is that chick. I'd get with Nocchi for the sex. But I'd wifey A-chan. She's so fun and playful and didn't seem phased or shy about speaking in English despite her limited grasp of it. In fact, she seemed to enjoy speaking in it, because she got instant reactions from us every time she did due to us understanding her. Kashiyuka didn't really do much tho' *tumbleweed bounces down the escalator of Sheperd's bush station*

What really hit me about Perfume, is that despite coming off as giggly little girls who are so in awe of everything new and so wide eyed at being in London, the second the lights went down and the music stared, they transformed. A-chan could stand and be shouting "Fisss ando chipssu!" one moment and then in a heartbeat she's switched on and Samurai slaying the absolute ribbons out of a routine. It's crazy to see and I guess part of the charm of Perfume. That they seem like regular girls who are able to pull off something rather extraordinary.

All of the videos I took at the gig are shit and it was just my fucking luck that my phone battery died mid way through. I'm not going to bother uploading my videos to YouTube as there are so many better quality videos which have been uploaded by those who had gone to this. For now, I'll give you some Japanese news coverage of the gig which shows that good shit shot by proper cameras and not some shaky ass Samsung Galaxy.

Perfume's London gig was an absolute blast. I hope as a result of the success of their 2nd world tour, that Perfume's team will extend their European leg and also add US dates - doing bigger venues and also working in some press. If Perfume announce future dates and that they are coming to snatch wigs in your country, do not think. Just go. You will not be disappointed. Even if you aren't a fan of Perfume, just take the plunge and go for the sheer experience of attending a J-Pop concert. Perfume's live showmanship is something to behold. Haters can shit on them not singing live all they want, but your fave ain't getting on those knees like A-chan, Vouging out a routine to a Euro house banger like Nocchi and kicking the pussy out in heels and a mini skirt like Kashiyuka. And your fave's creative director ain't coming with anything as fly as that "Spending all my time" set.

Shout outs to the super fan who was in the first tier stalls dancing the choreography to PERFECTION to every single song Perfume performed.

Reviews: Game | JPN | Spring of life | Spending all my time

Crystal Kay covers Capital cities. Shits on bitches.

Crystal uploaded a new video to her YouTube channel and declared that she'll begin posting covers. Every time this girl uploads a video to YouTube she says she'll be updating her account frequently and then makes everybody wait 6 months for a new video. But if Crystal really wants those YouTube hits and some free promo to help her future albums stay in the ORICON chart for more than a week, then she will need to keep to her word. We all know how covering songs on YouTube is 'a thing now' which can lead to super-stardom and record deals.

Check out the first of Crystal's 'official' YouTube covers by some band you've probably not heard of.

You don't need to be familiar with the source material to know that Crystal SANG this shit. She entered the studio with nothing but her trilby and a Starbucks frap and left with a bunch of new fans and a crate of wigs.

Beni best watch her shit. Her BFF went in for a hug and pulled away with every strand of her hair. Angela may want to check on her Songbook wig whilst she's at it.

Filipino kid scalps bitches with his acoustic cover of David Guetta and Sia's "Titanium"

Aldrich Lloyd Talonding is one in a long list of kids who sing on YouTube and end up on Ellen. But Aldrich stood out for me when he sang the shit out of David Guetta and Sia's "Titanium" - which is no easy song to sing. It's a song which tows the line between awesomeness and annoyance depending on what day you're listening to it and who is covering it, but this kid handles it masterfully. It's tragic to think that when his voice breaks he probably won't be able to sing this shit like this again.

Here's what Sia had to say about this.

Holy moly. BEST TITANIUM COVER YET “@KarenPorterPoet: @Sia You should see this!!! 2 little talented boys http://t.co/pbpfTxO6QX”
— sia furler (@Sia) June 30, 2013

Charice may want to pick herself a seat take to take, at least until Alrich's voice breaks. Justin Bieber can take his indefinitely.

Crystal Kay drops a little MJ tribute acapella on the floor of a studio looking a hot mess and shits on your fave.

It's been 4 years since the undisputed King of pop passed. And thankfully for CK fans, Crystal marked the occasion by uploading a video of herself singing a medley of MJ songs.

If you remember how Crystal squatted over a n***a's fresh pressed weave with her cover of "Human nature" 4 years ago, then you know you need to be checking this. She runs through "P.Y.T", "Off the wall", "Black and white" and doesn't miss a fucking beat with dem vocals.

Crystal may not be able to sell a tenth of what your J-fave is selling, but she can sing them under a Suntory vending machine. It's why I stay loving this woman through thick, thin and all the flops.

Now if home girl could get up off the floor with her Galaxy S3 and finish up that album, I would be very grateful. Fuck a Beyoncé album. It's that CK album I need in my life for 2013.

Beyoncé performs "Standing on the sun" in Belgium. H&M pops dem bottles.

Beyoncé apparently has a new album coming out this year. But you would never know it given that this woman still has no new single out despite being a month and a half into a world tour and that she's only performed one new song on her Mrs. Pepsi show world tour.

Well, it seems Beyoncé had a realization as she was clapping her Amazonian thighs to the string of hits from 4 that she has new material playing on terrestrial TV around Europe and in every H&M store up and down the continent, and that she should probably start performing it. So in Antwerp, she did just that. She performed "Baby boy 2013" aka "Standing on the sun".

When I heard this in the commercial, I loved it. I now hear the song in full hear and I like it less. Something about the arrangement just feels off and incomplete. Reggaeyoncé's flow switching up on the second verse was a nice surprise. Couldn't make out a fucking thing she said though.
We won't hear the radio edit or album version of the song until Kelly Rowland's album leaks online. Hennes & Mauritzyoncé will almost certainly have Blue Ivy upload "Standing on the sun" to mediafire to try and snatch shine from Kelly's album.

Perfume perform "Magic of love" on Music Japan. Nobody really cares.

If you feel how I do about "Magic of love", then you're probably over the song already and are just hoping that Perfume will hurry up and release an album or that Nakata will smoke the same crack he's on when he produces for Pamyu Pamyu's material for Perfume's next single.

It's a shame "Magic of love" isn't that great of a song, because aurally and visually its very current and on-trend without flaunting it unashamedly and coming off as though it's trying to be. The disco flavour of the song is rides the disco wave which is soon to sweep the Summer all thanks to Daft Punk's worldwide smash hit "Get lucky". And visually the girls are rocking 70's hair-do's and epileptic inducing prints, which apparently are back and 'in fashion' now. But the song is boring. I've not played it once since it released. Meanwhile, "Spending all my time" continues to get multiple plays, constant rewinds and has me walking backwards up stairs to the beat.

Miming Mimi's Good morning America #performance

I love it when Miming Mimi hits up a TV show to perform, because you always know this woman is going to give you some form of wreck. Whether it's something small, like shopping trolley wheeled into a lampost. A sizeable wreckage, such as a mini Coop into a cement bollard. Or a straight up train wreck.

When Mariah graced Good Morning America with her presence, not only did she sound a complete mess performing her new single "Hashtag Beautiful", but her dress popped open in the back after croaking of "Always be my baby" and she had a couple of mini diva meltdowns live on the stage which had to force the show into a commercial break. It was amazing.

Mariah sounded decent...up until she performed "Hashtag Beautiful". She was hitting notes flat, forgetting lyrics and miming her whistles. Lambs, you can come for me if you like. It won't change that your girl was miming those whistles. Miming Mimi's acting game is tight though. She was throwing her ass back into that seat and making that face like she was hitting those notes for real. Beyoncé wishes she had that type of acting talent.

Album reviews: E=MC² | Memoirs of an imperfect angel

Pharrell 'performs' Daft Punk's "Get lucky" for the first time

Daft Punk have gone straight in at number 1 on the singles chart in 12 countries with their disco funk perfection that is "Get lucky" despite having no full length music video or so much as performing it live. But Pharrell did the honours at a HTC launch event. If I were Daft Punk I wouldn't know whether to be flattered or pissed off, because this performance was...well...see it for yourself.

Pharrell. You my n***a dawg and I love you. But what the fuck was this!? You weren't even singing to a backing track. You straight up had your homie play the radio edit of the song off of iTunes. And where was Daft Punk!? I am disappoint Pharrell. DISAPPOINT N***A!

On a slightly unrelated note, does this Pharrell even age!?

Beyoncé performs "Grown woman" in Paris. Grabs wigs and throws them to Africa.

Paris concert goers got lucky, as Pepsiyoncé treated them to her debut performance of her new jam "Grown woman", dropping Nigerian dance steps that she probably saw in some YouTube video and miming like she was giving a throwback to Obama's inauguration.

Pepsiyoncé pretty much took the island segment of Rihanna's Loud tour and shitted right in the middle of it. "Grown woman" yoinks by the wig and throws bitches back to Africa. It's so danceable that resistance is futile against it. Africoncé needs to just drop this as a single and stop wasting everybodies time. She could even save herself a music video budget by using the unreleased "Put it in a love song" video, cutting out the scenes with Alicia Keys and running "Grown woman" over the top.

Those who went to see Beyoncé in Serbia, Croatia and Slovakia weren't so in love with this performance though. All of whom went mad and blew up on Twitter that she denied them a performance of the song. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Don't think Pepsiyoncé won't shit on Paris by treating London to a performance of "Standing on the sun". And before London gets comfortable, bring out the plastic cagoules, because Beyoncé will go IN with the new album material during her North American leg from June to August

I need "Grown woman" to leak in full RIGHT NAOW! And I hope that breakdown at the end is part of the album version too, because I'd gets down like my ancestors to that shit. Timbaland is that n***a right now.

Every man gon' be a grown woman the whole time he's listening to this song.

Ayaka throws down the Engrish gauntlet at Namie. Wins by default of actually being able to sing.

Ayaka is weak and a bit frail because of her Graves' disease, but do not get it twisted. She stays on her grind and will snatch a weave piece from her hospital bed. Namie can have a number 1 album by sitting at home and doing nothing, and guess what...so can Ayaka. Home girl went number 1 with an album whilst she was sat at home at her kotatsu easting udon and watching SMAP Bistro and she didn't have the power of Avex to help her neither. Bitches had better put on their best nails and bring out the fighting weave.

Ayaka recently did a mini set of acoustic studio performances. One of which was an English version of "Hajimari no toki" from her third studio album The beginning and another which was a cover of Faith Hill's "There you'll be", which featured backing vocals from a fat black woman. You know a chick is serious when the fat black backing singer comes out.

Hajimari no toki (English version)

There you'll be

Namie had better wrap her shit in a bun and put on a shower cap, because Ayaka is on that Engrish swag too and she can hit notes. I'd love for her to perform an acoustic cover of "Only you" and "Beautiful". Just to keep Namie on her toes and remind her what REAL vocals sound like.

I love Ayaka's live vocals. To the point where every time I listen to her studio albums, I feel a need to hear a live rendition. The tone, range and power this woman has just doesn't come through on her studio recordings the way in which they do when she performs live. So I hope she makes these intimate acoustic sessions a regular thing or that she releases an acoustic album.

Album reviews: First message | Sing to the sky